Long-lasting-love is built through great friendship. Read on to find actionable tips on how to strengthen your relationship with your husband or wife, through becoming their best friend. Why? Because you being married to your best friend is a lot more fun and healthy for you, your kids, your family and the whole community!
Newlyweds or needing to rekindle the flame? Either way, this post is for you. Be sure to read on and indulge in this content 😊
The Difference Between Friends and Best Friends
How would you rate your current ‘friendship level’ with your spouse? Are you already best buds or is there some room for improvement? Friendship can look different for different couples, but we think a good friendship should look something like this.
Friendship is the sum of:
- Companionship
- You enjoy being together. Even if you’re bored or tired.
- Trust
- You trust each other, and feel safe with one another to share your thoughts, feelings, secrets or ideas.
- Support
- You support each other mutually and hold each other up. You want the other person to succeed and share personal milestones or challenges with one another.
- Respect
- Flawed, quirky or not, you accept and appreciate each other. You respect each other’s preferences and choices. Even when you don’t agree with them.
- Common values or interests
- You have shared goals, a shared mission and enjoy the same things.
You may tick some of these boxes but not all. Let’s look at how to deepen the friendship. It all starts with this simple but profound thought:
To have a good friend, you need to be a good friend.
Wouldn’t you agree?
How Friendship Evolves from Good to Best
What makes your best friend, your BEST friend is the level of depth there is to the aspects mentioned above.
Best friends value their relationship so much that they will resolve issues and come out stronger.
This is what we’re aiming for!
Remember: Great friendship is built over time through consistent interaction and behavior. And it starts here:
Decide to make your husband / wife your best friend and…
Here are 10 Top Tools!
I am blessed to be able to say that me and Mat are best friends.
But in marriage, it takes effort to keep it that way. It is easy to start taking your partner for granted when you’re tired, sick or unamused with life.
These daily acts of friendship will help you treat your other half as your best friend.
1. Small but consistent acts of kindness
You both know you love each other, so you don’t need all the extra courtesies.
Wrong.
Because you love each other, you should not take each other for granted. Show courtesies based on what will make your other half happy.
Some people LOVE it when you surprise them with a hot drink regularly. Others may prefer a hug several times per day.
If you know what your significant other loves, you will know just what to do!
And feel free to experiment. There’s always more than one thing your best friend will like.
Try not to let the daily little things get in the way. Remember to not take your spouse for granted, and do it consistently 😊
2. Show interest
Do you know everything about guitars?
Well, I didn’t up until I decided to show interest in my husband’s hobby.
He is a great fan and loves to talk about guitars. I allowed my husband to teach me how to tell a Telecaster from a Stratocaster.
Now, every time we watch live music, Mat gives me a guitar-quiz 😉 And it is quite fun!
Decide to try to understand the world of your other half. You will find that things that didn’t necessarily interest you at first glance, can be okay after all!
3. Communicate To Connect
Listen Actively
When speaking with your spouse, try to actively not ‘fill in’ when trying to discern what they truly mean.
Give your husband or wife the space to explain themselves fully and avoid making assumptions. Ask questions and let them explain.
You will probably learn something new and afterwards feel less need to judge their motives.
Listening actively is allowing the other person to finish their sentence, even if you already know what they are going to say (hard one for me!).
Give your best friend the space to just be 😊
Be Honest and Open
As you get vulnerable, it is possible that your partner says things that rub you the wrong way. Tell them!
Try not to let negative emotions build up on the inside, but be transparent about what you think. Of course, putting it sensitively and keeping their best interest in mind.
If you have doubts about something that your other half is telling you, if you are worried about them or if you simply don’t agree, tell them!
Make clear that you don’t do or think things behind their backs.
By being open and honest you show that you are trustworthy.
4. Offer Support
Usually, in the beginning of your relationship, it doesn’t cost much effort to protect, encourage or assist your other half.
You are their cheerleader and believe in them, right?
However, as life gets busier and you get more responsibilities and worries, sometimes you’re not exactly looking for more challenges.
Offering support costs energy. There will come a day that it will take a decision to treat your spouse as your best friend… As you won’t be feeling like it.
Sounds familiar?
- Make them a drink and sit them down to talk about what is bothering them, even if you were just going to bed.
- Decide to save their butts and take them to where they need to be, even if they made a mistake in scheduling.
- Cheer them on when they have decided to take on a challenge. Create a strategy together to make it possible. Even if you have your doubts on the odds of success.
- Celebrate wins together, endure challenges together, laugh together & cry together.
It, again, comes down to not taking your best friend for granted.
5. Share, But Don’t Overshare
If we really want to see our other half through loving eyes, we should protect them from burdens that are unnecessary for them to bear.
The Bible, in all its wisdom, says both to carry each other’s burdens, and to carry your own.
Remember, your best friend already has their own load to carry…
So, be strong and don’t overshare about things that you haven’t yet tried to deal with yourself. At the same time, be strong and dare to let your spouse in on things that you are dealing with, or pondering on.
Obviously, this can also be about positive things!
The point is that you let them into your world.
… That you take them into your confidence.
… That you invite them to be part of your process (if they want this too, of course).
6. Limit Offense and Disappointment
Assume the very best, unless proven otherwise 😊
Expect your best friend to have your best interests at heart and don’t allow yourself to be offended by them.
Try to have no expectations where possible. Your other half will then easily exceed them, and you will be pleasantly surprised!
When you do have expectations, express them transparently and lovingly to each other. This will prevent disappointments.
And, redundant but right: let us remember not to take each other for granted!
7. Laugh Together!
Best friends laugh together. And they best do it often!
A study shows that people who laugh together signal to each other that they see the world in the same way. This boosts their sense of connection. Another study proves how couples that laugh together, usually have higher quality romantic relationships.
Interesting, right?
So, go ahead and look for things that you both find amusing. Create situations in which you can both have a great laugh. This can be playing a funny game or something as silly as watching ‘animal thug life’ videos… 😉
And what about gas?
While we’re on the topic, let me share an interesting study that was done in 2016. It was about farting in romantic relationships.
Yes… you read that right.
The study showed that couples who dare to let off some gas in each other’s presence feel like they can be their own true selves. Couples who don’t, generally feel less safe around each other.
It is an indicator of intimacy in a relationship. The research group trusted that the other half didn’t want them to go through gastrointestinal discomfort, and saw farting as something funny. Something that brought them closer together.
Those who fart together stay together, I suppose…
So there you go! Maybe a bit of extra inspiration to keep the house heated in winter? 😉
8. Best friends with benefits
Don’t forget about the ‘benefits’ part of your friendship with your spouse.
Yes, I’m talking about the things you only do when you’re alone together 😉
Talk about these things, consider setting goals on it and try other things to see what your spouse might appreciate.
These intimate moments can be romantic, but also light-hearted and fun. Both quality and quantity matter here.
9. Create Shared Goals and Memories
This one is a game changer. It will make you a team. It will align your destinies and give insight into the things you both find important and enjoyable!
Ever since Mat and I started to set goals for ourselves and our family, our quality of life has drastically improved. It has made us use our time much more effectively. It helps us get closer to each other until this day 😊
Best friends are partners! Be it in undertaking outdoor activities or in being on a mission to stop world crime.
We believe setting goals for the combination of both enjoyable activities and a shared mission is what will drive any married couple closer to each other.
This way, you will grow as a person, create loads of experience and make many memories.
What Is a Good Way to Set Goals?
Glad you asked! There are many ways to do this. Personally, we first set yearly goals, and then divide them up in quarterly goals. Every few weeks we take a look at them and if one of us has wandered off, we find each other again! Of course, you can always tweak these goals as you go.
I encourage you to be open minded and to try out your best friends’ hobby every once in a while (as long as it is legal).
Try to do an online search on different activities that you can do nearby or go to some trial classes.
Plan in regular date nights, trips or discover the world together even if it’s just from your own dinner table.
As you discover together what you both enjoy doing, you will automatically have more fun together and grow closer as best friends.
It may just reignite the passion that was there before!
10. Say sorry!
This point comes last, but is not least. Be humble enough to admit you are wrong.
Are you right? Would it be so bad to still say sorry for the fact that your input made your other half sad or angry?
Best friends don’t judge each other and are willing to put the other person first.
Later, when tempers have calmed, you two can discuss the situation and get to the root of the problem.
This way, by trial and error, you can become more and more attuned to each other.
Conclusion
Being best friends is better for your romantic relationship. It will provide a good foundation for your budding marriage & will rejuvenate your marriage of many years.
I am sure we haven’t been able to cover every good thing in regard to the subject in this article.
Please feel free to add your input in the comments, as your experience could be a great blessing to someone else out there.
Healthy families are the building block of a thriving society. So, power to you! Love never fails.