Picture this: You’re at a family gathering, proudly watching your kids interact. Suddenly, your oldest dramatically declares, “I hope I was adopted because I do NOT belong in a family with her!” Meanwhile, your youngest, unfazed, is licking his sibling’s arm just to prove a point. You make awkward eye contact with your in-laws, who politely pretend they didn’t hear it.
Sound familiar? 😂
Sibling relationships can be some of the most rewarding yet utterly chaotic bonds in life. As parents, we dream of raising children who genuinely enjoy each other’s company, but how do we actually encourage love between siblings?
Love that lasts beyond forced apologies and bribery with snacks??
As soon as I thought about writing on this topic, I knew I had to involve Heidi. Heidi is a book author and mother to 5 children (aged 9 til 19) and incredibly, her children actually like each other!
Heidi has a wealth of practical wisdom on this topic. Together, we’ve put together some of the best strategies to help YOU cultivate love between siblings in your home!
When Sibling Drama Turns Your Home Into a Soap Opera
Studies indicate that nearly half of individuals with siblings (46%) report experiencing sibling rivalries during childhood.
From toy wars to competing for attention, kids often see each other as rivals rather than allies.
Left unchecked, this rivalry can turn into lifelong resentment and distance.
Many parents struggle with this dynamic. You’re not alone.
Things You Probably Tried (and Why It Doesn’t Work)
Most parents instinctively try to keep the peace by:
- Forcing apologies: This often doesn’t lead to genuine change.
- Giving equal treatment: This can overlook the unique needs of each child.
- Separating kids when they fight: While this prevents immediate conflict, it doesn’t help them build a real relationship.
- Ignoring conflicts: Hoping kids will work it out on their own can lead to long-term resentment instead of resolution.
The key isn’t just stopping fights. It’s teaching kids to truly care for one another. Here’s how to do it.
How to Encourage Love Between Siblings
These following practical strategies, inspired by the book Siblings Without Rivalry, Heidi’s wisdom, and Lavina’s experiences, will help your children develop a deep and lasting bond.
These 12 tips are going to be great. Just wait and see! Apply these tips, stay ahead of the game and watch the magic happen. 😊
1. Acknowledge Feelings Without Judgment
You are quietly cooking with a nice podcast on, when you suddenly hear your kids screaming at each other. The level of tension seems to have gone from 0 to 100. You rush to them shut down the fight, but instead, you help your children name and process their emotions.
“Stop arguing!” → “Ok guys, I see you’re both upset. You both want to play with the same toy. How can we solve this?”
When kids feel heard, they are more willing to listen and cooperate.
2. Avoid Comparisons (Lavina’s tip)
Your oldest lifts something heavy and proudly declares, “I’m so strong! Much stronger than my sister, right?” Can anybody relate? At this point, it takes real effort not to roll your eyes – because this exact scenario has already played out at least 5,432 times today. To quickly move on, you could just say, “Yes dear, you’re very strong…” But this time, you don’t!
Instead of reinforcing the competition, you recognize his strength without using his sibling as a reference.
“Yes dear, you’re very strong…” → “Wow, you are strong! And your sister has her own strengths too. What do you think she’s really good at?”
Comparing siblings (even with good intentions) breeds jealousy and resentment. This stands in the way of their love towards each other. Instead of stacking them up against each other, focus on their individual strengths.
3. Encourage Teamwork, Not Competition
It’s time to clean up, and you try the classic, “Let’s see who can pick up the most toys the fastest!” Within seconds, toys are flying, elbows are thrown, and one child is crying that the other “cheated.”
Turning everything into a race might seem fun, but it teaches kids to compete rather than cooperate. Instead, help them work as a team.
“Who can clean up the fastest?” → “Can you two help each other tidy up before dinner?”
When kids work together, they start seeing each other as partners rather than competitors.
4. Prioritize One-on-One Time
You’re tucking your kids into bed when one suddenly sighs, “You never spend time with just me.”
OR
You casually mention that tomorrow after school, the two of you can mix the compost bin together. Normally, your child forgets everything within minutes, yet this time, they remind you three times about your “big plan.” That’s your cue.
Being the smart parent you are, you decide to make one-on-one time a regular thing. It could be as simple as inviting them along on a little trip you were already planning.
- “Let’s read a book together, just you and me.”
- “Come help me with dinner. It’s our time together!”
- “Let’s go do some groceries together, it’s (in my case) mama and Jonah time!”
Making time for one-on-one moments helps your child feel secure in your love, so they don’t feel like they have to compete for attention.
Every child wants to feel seen and special.
5. Create Shared Experiences (Heidi’s Tip)
You’re scrolling through old photos when you realize that some of the happiest sibling moments happen when the kids are doing something together.
Heidi swears by this: keeping siblings close means making memories together. Homeschooling has helped her family with this, but even if you don’t homeschool, you can still create shared experiences.
- Travel together. Short trips, long trips, .. they can all create lasting memories.
- Find shared interests. In Heidi’s home, horseback riding became a beloved family activity.
- Keep family activities at the center. Even as her kids grow older, shared adventures help them stay connected.
6. Let Kids Share a Room (Heidi’s Tip)
At bedtime, you hear whispers, giggles, and the occasional “SHHH! Dad will hear us!” It’s pure chaos, but also the foundation of lifelong friendship.
Heidi also strongly believes that sharing a room helps siblings build trust, intimacy, and lifelong connections. Though separate rooms might become necessary later, those early years of bonding are priceless!
Kids can share secrets, talk before bedtime, and build a sense of companionship.
Even if one eventually moves out, the shared time together is a foundation for lifelong closeness.
7. Encourage Special Sibling Gestures (Lavina’s Tip)
You wake up to find one child sneaking into the other’s room with a handmade drawing. No bribes, no prompts. Just a little act of love.
Kids often need a nudge in the right direction. Show them what love between siblings looks like in action.
- Celebrate kindness.
- Praise kids when they do something sweet for one another.
- Help a child plan a surprise for their sibling.
8. Teach Older Siblings to Lead with Kindness (Lavina’s Tip)
Your oldest is this close to losing it over their younger sibling’s behavior. “Mama! My sister is pushing me! Why does she always do that?”
Don’t just tell them to “be nice,” but make use of the moment to help the older sibling see their role as a patient guide.
I teach my son Jonah to not take his sister so seriously when she is acting a bit annoying. I tell him to ignore minor misbehavior from his sister. I explain to him that he can “teach her how to be sweet” by showing her how it’s done.
This strategy has turned my son from a frustrated boy into a loving and patient teacher. And his sister… is indeed learning to be sweet 😊
Encourage older kids to help younger ones in loving ways, modeling patience and guidance.
9. Teach Conflict Resolution
Your kids are playing peacefully… until they’re not. Suddenly, there’s a dramatic gasp, followed by, “MOM! He’s BREATHING on my side of the couch!” You glance over to see one child pressing an invisible barrier between them while the other leans in just to test the limits.
Your first instinct? Roll your eyes and declare “Enough! No one gets the couch!” But instead of jumping in as the referee, you teach them how to show each other a bit of love in this moment by saying:
- “You both want to sit here. What’s a way you can make this work together?”
- Another option would be to sit on your hands, bite your tongue, and resist the urge to jump in. Let them handle minor disputes on their own.
That doesn’t mean abandoning them. Eavesdrop a little and see how they navigate it. Later, when things are calm, give them one-on-one praise for the things they handled well.
What you nurture, grows.
10. Avoid Labels and Fixed Roles
At dinner, one child dramatically sighs, “I’m always the responsible one, and he just gets to have fun!”
Labels stick. When kids are boxed into roles like “the smart one,” “the funny one,” “the difficult one”, it shapes how they see themselves and how they see each other.
We parents need to be careful with this. So let’s do no more labeling, but stimulate a growth mentality in every family member!
“Why can’t you be as calm as your sister?” → “I love how thoughtful you are.”
Give kids room to grow into their unique strengths rather than boxing them into a fixed identity.
11. Treat Kids Fairly, Not Equally
You’re handing out snacks, and before you can blink, one kid is analyzing portion sizes like a forensic scientist. “He got more than me!”
Fair doesn’t always mean exactly the same. Each child has different needs, and teaching them this early helps avoid entitlement battles.
“You both get exactly the same treats.” → “Your brother needs new shoes, and you need a new coat. Everyone gets what they need.”
This helps children understand that they are valued individually, not just as part of a unit.
12. Let Them Build Their Own Relationship
It’s a rainy afternoon, and the kids have disappeared into their room. you hear rustling, whispering, and the occasional “Shhh, don’t tell it yet!”. Then suddenly, they burst into the kitchen, beaming, holding a “surprise” drawing they made together just for you.
These are the moments that show real love and connection between siblings! Not just the absence of fights, but the presence of teamwork, laughter, and shared excitement.
- Encourage inside jokes, shared games, and little traditions. How? By smirking when a sibling does something funny and playfully copying it. Or by always singing the same song when it’s snack time. Before you know it, they’ll be dancing to it together.😉
- Let your kids hang out together without you always stepping in. Give them the space to do their own thing and build their bond naturally.
- If your kid needs help, see if a sibling can jump in first. It gives you a little break and teaches them to have each other’s backs, work together, and count on their siblings.
Siblings need space to bond without parents constantly stepping in or orchestrating everything.
The Result: A Home Filled With Love Between Siblings
There we have it!
By implementing these strategies consistently, you’ll definitely create an environment where love between siblings can flourish. Your children will learn to support one another, handle disagreements maturely, and form bonds that last a lifetime.
Fostering love between siblings takes time and patience, but the rewards are immeasurable.
Let’s invest in building strong, affectionate sibling relationships, because these are the friendships that will last a lifetime.
Thanks for reading 😊
p.s. Want to learn more about (and from) Heidi? Check out her Instagram page here!