Your child has a mind of their own. Determined to do what they want; they have strong opinions about everything. “It’s GREAT!” you think never. As a parent, you try to navigate this creatively, but it can be draining. The more you push, the more your child pushes back. You might wish for a child who quietly sits on a blanket, happily working on a puzzle, and gently asking how you’re doing. But what if I told you that you should celebrate your child’s behavior instead? The strong will of your child is a good thing. This article will show you why.
“A strong-willed child is not a problem to be fixed; they are a force to be celebrated and guided.”
– L.R. Knost
What We Mean by Strong-Willed
Every child goes through developmental phases and, ideally, develops a sense of autonomy. However, a strong-willed child values their autonomy a whole lot more than the average child…
Strong-willed children display immense amounts of determination and persistence, have strong opinions, and are not afraid to say “no!”
They are:
- Assertive
- Challenge authority
- Bossy
- Stubborn
- Impatient
They can listen very selectively & can be emotionally intense. Think about frequent meltdowns, anger outbursts, or just overall emotional sensitivity.
Right… This may sound horrible so far. But most strong-willed children also have a strong sense of justice!
You might still feel that the challenges outweigh the virtues… but I invite you to read on. Trust me, you will see these traits as virtues.
My child is not always strong-willed
Strong-willed children tend to show these characteristics consistently. It doesn’t matter whether they are at home, at school, in sports, or with friends.
If your child displays these traits in only one or two settings, it’s possible they are adapting their behavior to specific circumstances. I encourage you to read a bit about the systems theory, and how the surroundings of your child can alter his or her behavior.
Observing these situations can help you uncover what might be driving your child’s strong-willed behavior.
“A strong-willed child is a leader in the making, someone who will challenge the status quo and bring about change.”
– Dr. Kevin Leman
The Benefits of Having a Strong-Willed Child
Before you try to stamp out your child’s strong-willed behavior, take a moment to consider what this character trait can bring your child in life:
- Resilience and Grit: Strong-willed kids don’t give up. Others might quit, but these kids keep pushing. That drive helps them achieve whatever they set their minds to—it’s a pretty solid sign they’re set up for success.
- Goal-Oriented: Your kid’s got their eyes on the prize. This mindset is going to help them succeed in the future too.
- Autonomy: With the right guidance, their will to make their own decisions will drive them to stay motivated, chase their dreams, and do great things.
- Assertiveness: They know how to speak up for what they want and need. This skill will come in handy in their relationships, career, and overall confidence.
- Leadership: Strong-willed kids naturally grow into leaders, which is a valuable life skill. It’s also a quality most successful people share.
- Standing Up for What’s Right: They have a strong sense of what’s right and wrong and aren’t afraid to stand up for others. Even if it means going against their own friends’ opinions.
What the Bible Says About Strong-Willed Children
Let’s go deeper. Your child is uniquely created by God with a purpose. A strong-willed child’s determination and passion are part of His design and can be channeled for His glory.
The bible says that perseverance is a gift from God. Strong willed children are often born with it! When parents nurture this gift in faith, kids can face life’s trials with unwavering strength.
I believe Paul had a strong will from a young age, looking at his zeal and determination to initially persecute Christians. But God took that strong-willed character and transformed it. He shaped Paul into one of the most influential leaders of the early church! Paul was a bold and passionate leader, tirelessly fighting for what he thought right and true.
David was a strong willed child. His courage and refusal to back down in the face of opposition show how a strong will, when rooted in faith, can overcome even the greatest challenges. Challenges as big as the giant Goliath! Over time, David developed resilience, leadership skills, and boldness. He became the famous king of Judea and stayed faithful to God until he died.
And then there’s Nehemiah, who was determined not to give up. He rebuilt Jerusalem’s walls, despite relentless challenges. The examples go on…
Your strong-willed child has the potential to change the world around them, just like these Biblical figures.
I firmly believe that grounding a child’s strong will in God’s truth is the key to unlocking their full potential. Strong-willed children are natural-born winners. The key is to guide their drive in the right direction to make sure they win at fighting the GOOD fight.
This is the honorable task of the parent.
“Raising a strong-willed child means nurturing a future leader who won’t back down in the face of adversity.”
– Unknown
How to Guide Your Strong-Willed Child
Our daughter is 2 years old right now, so of course her favourite word is “no”. But let’s be real, turning 3 isn’t going to magically make that strong will disappear. This girl has a plan, knows how to delegate, and has endless patience. If she decides that 20 dolls need to fit into one pram, she’ll keep stacking and re-stacking until they all fit. And guess what? They do fit! But if I dare interrupt her masterpiece by saying it’s time for dinner, it’s game on. She’ll scream, throw a fit, and it takes some serious creativity to distract her from her mission.
The question is, how do we guide strong-willed children in a way that allows them to thrive, while keeping our sanity intact? 😊
Raise your child with the Bible as their foundation.
Teach your strong willed child about biblical characters like David or Paul, and point out the traits they share. Highlight the positive outcomes that these character traits bring about. Next, explore the potential downsides together.
For example, if your child realizes that their strong will could sometimes hurt or frustrate others, work with them to find solutions and alternative ways of saying things.
Help your child discover ways to achieve their goals while remaining respectful and loving toward others.
5 Practical tips
Also, I stumbled upon a book Michaleen Doucleff wrote about the parenting skills of ancient cultures. These communities managed to raise extraordinarily kind, generous, and helpful children. All without yelling, nagging, or resorting to timeouts. Below are a handful of tips inspired by this book to creatively channel your child’s stubbornness and drive them in a positive direction.
- Stay Calm: When your child is high-energy or tantruming, respond with calmness. Words can escalate tension, so model emotional regulation by staying composed. Children often mirror their parents’ energy.
- Avoid Power Struggles: Don’t engage in arguments; walk away instead to prevent conflicts from escalating.
- Teach Negotiation If your child enjoys debating, (and you do too 😉), allow them to explain their reasoning when time permits. Ask thoughtful questions to help them find solutions that work for both sides. This will shape their stubbornness into constructive problem-solving.
- Listen Actively: Record yourself interacting with your child and review whether you are truly listening. Try to engage thoughtfully and propose compromises to reduce resistance.
- Use Single Words: Keep instructions brief and avoid lengthy explanations. A simple “no” is often easier for strong-willed children to accept.
“Strong-willed children teach us patience, resilience, and the art of negotiation—they prepare us to grow as parents.”
– Unknown
Conclusion
Having a strong-willed child can feel overwhelming, but it’s also a tremendous blessing. Their character traits are gifts that, with proper guidance, can help them achieve GREAT things.
Notice what you like about your kids more than what you don’t, and remember:
Strong-willed children are born leaders. With the right approach, you’ll help them navigate life with confidence, kindness, and purpose; Equipping your God-given child to shine as God intended.
Thanks for reading!